A Lost Friend

When we look back at the number of people we have met,
the times we share our stories to each other,
when we would laugh or cry in those moments,
the times we would be there when needed.

Thinking back of when I first started to be somewhere new, unknown and undefined in its own ways.
A place where you feel insecure as a complete stranger.
A place where we can start a new beginning.
A place where a new friendship is born.

There was a friend who I used to know.
My first friend when I started in this new environment.
The first person to talked with and didn't seem to be bothered where I came from.

I was happy and grateful to meet that person; a girl.
For whatever I was told, I would gladly accept the task.
The first friend who seemed to care for me.
In my mind, I hoped it could last forever.

But it didn't...

I felt like I had no will nor pride in what I did.
For being controlled in her perspective of right and wrong.
I could never fight back against her words.

However...
She could do things the way she would liked and no restraint and no guilt.
Always demanding.
Always wanted more to be given.
No matter what, she can satisfy her needs in ways she feel suitable for her point of view.
Not knowing it directly hurt me.
What was her motive?
Her reason?

I could never tell.
The more I dwell myself to understand my friend, the more she would blame me as it was my fault to begin with.
Was it jealousy?

It goes on continuously. For 5 years it kept on going like that.
A fight, a talk, a conclusion
Result: my fault
But I was never told why. The more I try to asked why, the blame keeps growing on me from her opinion.
When trying to confront her, only a glare was given and she walked away leaving me with unspoken words filled with confusion and frustration.

Until one day,
an untold story,
an unknown reason,
something happened,
between my first friend and another.

I hesitated not knowing what to do,
not knowing what had happened,
not knowing what had started this.

But somehow, deep inside me, I probably knew the source. I never seemed to accept it or assumed that was the answer.

With the decision I took,
I lost it all.
the 5 years of my life that can never return.
the 5 years of my so-called happiness.

For what I believed in, it felt like it was more than that.

Despite that, being controlled over my life by her, I thought I could finally get my freedom from the venomous grasp of her will. The poison that slowly seeps through both my mind and body.
But the price have been paid. For what is done is done.
For what is loss, there is something else to be gained.
The changes have been set.

My dear lost friend,
I am sure to this day you would never forgive me.
But never being told what was your reason.
Never seem to have thought of what I have in my mind.
Am I still the wrong one?

Now it is lost,
For the lesson I learned...
Never to put so much trust.
Never to believe in what you may think be true.
Never to hope you can handle it alone.
As it always was just "Friends"

Can "you" withstand the sheer pressure of being blamed? For what is never wrong to begin with it is considered "you" are at fault? How many years can "you" take it? How long will "you" endure it?
That is your story that may have either been written or not.