In a world where not many may know,
a world where the lives of many begins,
a place where everyone starts their story.
In the depth of the darkness,
a small, dim light appears.
Weak and powerless,
it is as if it is fading away.
Colourless,
it slowly emits its radiance.
not able to determine its colour,
the light keeps on shining in the dark.
Staying still,
it is afraid of the darkness.
Alone,
it feels the sheer terror of the dark empty space.
Slowly, the light attempts to break free,
but repeatedly goes back to its initial place.
After repetitive tries, it keeps on trying,
never to give up, never to lose faith.
The light must have realised,
in every being there must be a reason in life,
so it begins to search for that reason.
Countless attempts, the light keeps on fighting,
the darkness overwhelms the small being,
but the light keeps on trying.
Finally,
over the many weeks,
the light slowly grows over time.
Overcoming the obstacles,
the light continues on its journey.
Eventually it is able to meet other coloured lights,
green, red, pink, blue, yellow and so on..
slowly over the harsh situations.
The light was in awe,
amazed by the wonders of different beings,
it is now being accompanied by the coloured lights.
Sadly, the light is still colourless,
and wonders, "why am I like this?"
the light was restless with this question.
However, the coloured lights never questioned the colourless light.
Until one day, the colourless light asked the coloured lights,
"Why am I different than everyone?"
One of them answered,
"We are all unique, in our hearts and soul, not to compare each other. As we all have our own personality.
Understand this, it does not mean we do not like each other. Surely we envy one to another, but there is always the acceptance of how grateful we are to know each other."
The colourless light was relieved,
it was speechless,
with an outburst of joy..
suddenly, it emits a stronger radiance,
an unknown colour.
Stronger, powerful,
the light was majestic.
The darkness could not stand this unknown light.
The darkness would not dare to interfere.
The colourless light was happy,
it was happy to have the coloured lights to be there,
despite the difference they have,
they were able to accept each other.
No matter where the lights go,
no matter how dark their paths are,
they kept on going,
to search for the reason to their existence.
Whether one will eventually fades away,
their will continues on within the other lights.
Stronger than before,
every light has their strengths and weaknesses.
Hence, the lights help each other when they are in needed.
Knowing this, we are all different but unique within ourselves. Believe in our hearts than what our eyes see. Probably you will be able to see the light within us.
Cherish it, for what light you are, the radiance you emit is the strength of many you may not realise. So believe in yourself and have faith!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
A Lost Friend
When we look back at the number of people we have met,
the times we share our stories to each other,
when we would laugh or cry in those moments,
the times we would be there when needed.
Thinking back of when I first started to be somewhere new, unknown and undefined in its own ways.
A place where you feel insecure as a complete stranger.
A place where we can start a new beginning.
A place where a new friendship is born.
There was a friend who I used to know.
My first friend when I started in this new environment.
The first person to talked with and didn't seem to be bothered where I came from.
I was happy and grateful to meet that person; a girl.
For whatever I was told, I would gladly accept the task.
The first friend who seemed to care for me.
In my mind, I hoped it could last forever.
But it didn't...
I felt like I had no will nor pride in what I did.
For being controlled in her perspective of right and wrong.
I could never fight back against her words.
However...
She could do things the way she would liked and no restraint and no guilt.
Always demanding.
Always wanted more to be given.
No matter what, she can satisfy her needs in ways she feel suitable for her point of view.
Not knowing it directly hurt me.
What was her motive?
Her reason?
I could never tell.
The more I dwell myself to understand my friend, the more she would blame me as it was my fault to begin with.
Was it jealousy?
It goes on continuously. For 5 years it kept on going like that.
A fight, a talk, a conclusion
Result: my fault
But I was never told why. The more I try to asked why, the blame keeps growing on me from her opinion.
When trying to confront her, only a glare was given and she walked away leaving me with unspoken words filled with confusion and frustration.
Until one day,
an untold story,
an unknown reason,
something happened,
between my first friend and another.
I hesitated not knowing what to do,
not knowing what had happened,
not knowing what had started this.
But somehow, deep inside me, I probably knew the source. I never seemed to accept it or assumed that was the answer.
With the decision I took,
I lost it all.
the 5 years of my life that can never return.
the 5 years of my so-called happiness.
For what I believed in, it felt like it was more than that.
Despite that, being controlled over my life by her, I thought I could finally get my freedom from the venomous grasp of her will. The poison that slowly seeps through both my mind and body.
But the price have been paid. For what is done is done.
For what is loss, there is something else to be gained.
The changes have been set.
My dear lost friend,
I am sure to this day you would never forgive me.
But never being told what was your reason.
Never seem to have thought of what I have in my mind.
Am I still the wrong one?
Now it is lost,
For the lesson I learned...
Never to put so much trust.
Never to believe in what you may think be true.
Never to hope you can handle it alone.
As it always was just "Friends"
Can "you" withstand the sheer pressure of being blamed? For what is never wrong to begin with it is considered "you" are at fault? How many years can "you" take it? How long will "you" endure it?
That is your story that may have either been written or not.
the times we share our stories to each other,
when we would laugh or cry in those moments,
the times we would be there when needed.
Thinking back of when I first started to be somewhere new, unknown and undefined in its own ways.
A place where you feel insecure as a complete stranger.
A place where we can start a new beginning.
A place where a new friendship is born.
There was a friend who I used to know.
My first friend when I started in this new environment.
The first person to talked with and didn't seem to be bothered where I came from.
I was happy and grateful to meet that person; a girl.
For whatever I was told, I would gladly accept the task.
The first friend who seemed to care for me.
In my mind, I hoped it could last forever.
But it didn't...
I felt like I had no will nor pride in what I did.
For being controlled in her perspective of right and wrong.
I could never fight back against her words.
However...
She could do things the way she would liked and no restraint and no guilt.
Always demanding.
Always wanted more to be given.
No matter what, she can satisfy her needs in ways she feel suitable for her point of view.
Not knowing it directly hurt me.
What was her motive?
Her reason?
I could never tell.
The more I dwell myself to understand my friend, the more she would blame me as it was my fault to begin with.
Was it jealousy?
It goes on continuously. For 5 years it kept on going like that.
A fight, a talk, a conclusion
Result: my fault
But I was never told why. The more I try to asked why, the blame keeps growing on me from her opinion.
When trying to confront her, only a glare was given and she walked away leaving me with unspoken words filled with confusion and frustration.
Until one day,
an untold story,
an unknown reason,
something happened,
between my first friend and another.
I hesitated not knowing what to do,
not knowing what had happened,
not knowing what had started this.
But somehow, deep inside me, I probably knew the source. I never seemed to accept it or assumed that was the answer.
With the decision I took,
I lost it all.
the 5 years of my life that can never return.
the 5 years of my so-called happiness.
For what I believed in, it felt like it was more than that.
Despite that, being controlled over my life by her, I thought I could finally get my freedom from the venomous grasp of her will. The poison that slowly seeps through both my mind and body.
But the price have been paid. For what is done is done.
For what is loss, there is something else to be gained.
The changes have been set.
My dear lost friend,
I am sure to this day you would never forgive me.
But never being told what was your reason.
Never seem to have thought of what I have in my mind.
Am I still the wrong one?
Now it is lost,
For the lesson I learned...
Never to put so much trust.
Never to believe in what you may think be true.
Never to hope you can handle it alone.
As it always was just "Friends"
Can "you" withstand the sheer pressure of being blamed? For what is never wrong to begin with it is considered "you" are at fault? How many years can "you" take it? How long will "you" endure it?
That is your story that may have either been written or not.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Days Of Our Lives
For the many thoughts I have kept hidden.
For the many moments that will never return.
The unspoken words which were never told.
The truth that is never been known.
The continuous lie which kept running.
The intentions which have been ongoing.
To accept the facts of life.
To be able to carry the burden.
Someday when the moments will be forgotten.
The memories will remain.
Unchanged in ways we remembered them.
Untold by what is written in our hearts.
A story that many will not know.
The joyful days which were so bright.
The sorrowful days which were ever so gloomy.
The days of our lives.
君がそばにいるように (Kimi ga soba ni iru you ni - Because you are near)
Nicovideo *Need an account to watch the video*
Youtube
For the many moments that will never return.
The unspoken words which were never told.
The truth that is never been known.
The continuous lie which kept running.
The intentions which have been ongoing.
To accept the facts of life.
To be able to carry the burden.
Someday when the moments will be forgotten.
The memories will remain.
Unchanged in ways we remembered them.
Untold by what is written in our hearts.
A story that many will not know.
The joyful days which were so bright.
The sorrowful days which were ever so gloomy.
The days of our lives.
君がそばにいるように (Kimi ga soba ni iru you ni - Because you are near)
Nicovideo *Need an account to watch the video*
Youtube
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
A New Path
Why does it feels like the past is repeating itself like a cycle?
Why does it have to come back to me when least expected?
I hate this feeling.
This feeling of being..
There is hardly anyone I can talk to. If there is, the pain is always there, I'd rather remain silent.
Whatever it is, it is coming back to me. Like how it was when I was in UK. I hate this feeling.
But back then was slightly different, my flatmates were there to help me out.
Now, my family is here, but they misunderstand instead.
There are other important things I have to worry about. Things I really need to clear up for my own good. A career. A life..
Life..
Since when it has been this dull, quiet and dark.
It is never seem to be the same anymore. Games, TV shows. It doesn't feel like it used to.
I am always a quiet person. But I chose to be different. To change over the years.
These days, I feel like I am guided to be who I was before.
A new path?
This feeling..
As long as I don't think about it, the pain will go away. So think less, do things more.
However,
did I do the same mistake(s) unintentionally?..
I better not think about it too much. The pain is overwhelming.
Why does it have to come back to me when least expected?
I hate this feeling.
This feeling of being..
There is hardly anyone I can talk to. If there is, the pain is always there, I'd rather remain silent.
Whatever it is, it is coming back to me. Like how it was when I was in UK. I hate this feeling.
But back then was slightly different, my flatmates were there to help me out.
Now, my family is here, but they misunderstand instead.
There are other important things I have to worry about. Things I really need to clear up for my own good. A career. A life..
Life..
Since when it has been this dull, quiet and dark.
It is never seem to be the same anymore. Games, TV shows. It doesn't feel like it used to.
I am always a quiet person. But I chose to be different. To change over the years.
These days, I feel like I am guided to be who I was before.
A new path?
This feeling..
As long as I don't think about it, the pain will go away. So think less, do things more.
However,
did I do the same mistake(s) unintentionally?..
I better not think about it too much. The pain is overwhelming.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Talent
One shall not be judged by what you cannot do for anyone of us have the capability to try something we never try before.
Until we try, we will never know what we are capable of.
As for me, I am gonna try to explore different areas of myself. To understand what I am capable of.
Though I may fail, there is no point to give up. To do whatever it takes.
One shall fall, another shall rise.
Hopefully a better self.
I will do what I can. In any possible way.
Until we try, we will never know what we are capable of.
As for me, I am gonna try to explore different areas of myself. To understand what I am capable of.
Though I may fail, there is no point to give up. To do whatever it takes.
One shall fall, another shall rise.
Hopefully a better self.
I will do what I can. In any possible way.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Dormant
You know how it feels when something that bothers you so much and yet you keep hiding it or forget about it. Move on with your life. As how crucial it is or not, that is dependent on how the factors related which have caused all of it.
This feeling which have been kept inside. Restrained from being let loose. From being erupted. Like a dormant volcano waiting to go off. But its a matter of time when it will happen.
As for me, its been days now..4-5 days.
And counting..
Day by day, as much I have been trying to keep it within, I do not know how much will I be able to hold it much longer.
"Avoid negative sources, people, places and habits."
The source to all of this, you might ask? I already know. But I have been telling myself I can ignore it. Nowadays, it seems unlikely...
The emotions collected from these past years which I have forgotten, I have recalled them instead. Piling up like books on the shelves of a library. The thickness of these books tell the stories of particular events and individuals involved in a single month.
To add all those books from these several years, I wonder how much can you imagine I have kept them away in total. Until now...
The limits of an individual shall not be underestimate. Rather how to restrict and break through the limits is a certain matter one shall overcome.
I have chosen not to tell this to anyone before..as I'd rather not hurt anyone instead.
It is a matter of time before all will change..
For better or worst..
It is painful to think about it.
This feeling which have been kept inside. Restrained from being let loose. From being erupted. Like a dormant volcano waiting to go off. But its a matter of time when it will happen.
As for me, its been days now..4-5 days.
And counting..
Day by day, as much I have been trying to keep it within, I do not know how much will I be able to hold it much longer.
"Avoid negative sources, people, places and habits."
The source to all of this, you might ask? I already know. But I have been telling myself I can ignore it. Nowadays, it seems unlikely...
The emotions collected from these past years which I have forgotten, I have recalled them instead. Piling up like books on the shelves of a library. The thickness of these books tell the stories of particular events and individuals involved in a single month.
To add all those books from these several years, I wonder how much can you imagine I have kept them away in total. Until now...
The limits of an individual shall not be underestimate. Rather how to restrict and break through the limits is a certain matter one shall overcome.
I have chosen not to tell this to anyone before..as I'd rather not hurt anyone instead.
It is a matter of time before all will change..
For better or worst..
It is painful to think about it.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Failure
福fú wú zhì, huò bú dān xíng
Why do failure seems to be written everywhere where I try to settle with? Is it sticking out of my head?
As these challenges I keep on facing seems to escalate, I feel the world is against me. I do what I can to fulfill my desires to reach a better goal, but misfortune seems to be attracted to me.
Or have I created misfortune to myself?
How many times does it take to reach my destination? What does it take for me to be where I belong? Why does it have to be like this?
When anyone desire too much, it can create your own heaven or hell. Either way, you will be engulfed in its own surroundings. How to control your own desires? Should I desire less so it can be balanced?
"Go with the flow," like how others have said.
However it seems I am not needed. More like, this is not the place where I belong.
Lack of fortune, it seems that how it is for me. I can hardly get around being unemployed. How long does it have to be this tough and harsh? Even though I have my qualifications, the opportunities seem to clash with other events. It feels like it is impossible to go through all of this.
"Taking things for granted," like how others have said.
Why? Do no judge me for not knowing what I have gone through!!
When I am not fated to be with the opportunities available. I have to create my own. Build my own door of opportunities?
It feels like I should get out of my own knowledge and explore more to understand what I can be capable of.
However, how much more do I have to endure? I blame myself for not trying harder. Should I care less and be more selfish and stubborn to myself?
One thing for certain, I'm frustrated at myself!
As a failure for several reasons and causes, I continue on to face what will come next. Until I can find a place where I belong...
But will I change..to better or worst...
Why do failure seems to be written everywhere where I try to settle with? Is it sticking out of my head?
As these challenges I keep on facing seems to escalate, I feel the world is against me. I do what I can to fulfill my desires to reach a better goal, but misfortune seems to be attracted to me.
Or have I created misfortune to myself?
How many times does it take to reach my destination? What does it take for me to be where I belong? Why does it have to be like this?
When anyone desire too much, it can create your own heaven or hell. Either way, you will be engulfed in its own surroundings. How to control your own desires? Should I desire less so it can be balanced?
"Go with the flow," like how others have said.
However it seems I am not needed. More like, this is not the place where I belong.
Lack of fortune, it seems that how it is for me. I can hardly get around being unemployed. How long does it have to be this tough and harsh? Even though I have my qualifications, the opportunities seem to clash with other events. It feels like it is impossible to go through all of this.
"Taking things for granted," like how others have said.
Why? Do no judge me for not knowing what I have gone through!!
When I am not fated to be with the opportunities available. I have to create my own. Build my own door of opportunities?
It feels like I should get out of my own knowledge and explore more to understand what I can be capable of.
However, how much more do I have to endure? I blame myself for not trying harder. Should I care less and be more selfish and stubborn to myself?
One thing for certain, I'm frustrated at myself!
As a failure for several reasons and causes, I continue on to face what will come next. Until I can find a place where I belong...
But will I change..to better or worst...
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Open up your mind
An old song. More than a decade ago. But still a nice song.
Chinese version is available below.
To download the song
Chinese version
Open Up Your Mind
English Translation:
In this world when life can be so tough
You must be strong
Just believe in yourself and don't you fear
So open up your mind and close your eyes
Take another look from the other side
Even on a lonely night, when you wander afraid,
you may be alone now, but
your feet can take you however far you want to go
Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,
look inside yourself, there's a shining light there.
Yes, I want you to believe in everything.
You can take another look from the other side
Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.
Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.
Yes, if you have the strenght to live,
You can take another look from the other side,
until you find all that is love...
I wish for you to have the strenght
to make it through this world,
so open up your mind,
and you'll be able to see...
Just remember you are not alone
So don't you fear
Even though you're miles away
I'm by your side
So open up your mind and close your eyes
I'll be there for you no matter where you are
Japanese lyrics:
もしも今すべてがうまくなんて いかない 負けそうになる時だって
瞳を閉じれば 心から 世界が 見えてくる
In this world when life can be so tough
You must be strong
Just believe in yourself and don't you fear
So open up your mind and close your eyes
Take another look from the other side
孤独な夜でも 迷い恐れる時も
今はひとりでも この足で どこまでも歩いていけるはずだから
Just hold on tight 瞳閉じたなら
Look inside yourself 輝きがあるから
Yes, 全て 信じて欲しい
You can take another look from the other side
Just hold on tight 心くじけても
Reach into your soul 明日が見えなくても
Yes, 生きる 強さがあれば
You can take another look from the other side
愛の全てに出会うまで…
この世界で生き抜いていくための 強さを
あなたに願っているから
心の扉を開いたら 何かが見えてくる
Just remember you are not alone
So don't you fear
Even thought you're miles away
I'm by your side
So open up your mind and close your eyes
I'll be there for you no matter where you are
星の命なら永いけど
いつまでも同じこの日々がくりかえすわけじゃない
明日は誰にも見えない
Just hold on tight 瞳閉じたなら
Look inside yourself 鼓動感じるから
Yes,“MIRAI”信じて欲しい
You can take another look from the other side
Just hold on tight 心くじけても
Reach into your soul 明日が見えなくても
Yes、違う 世界があって
You can take another look from the other side
愛の全てに出会えるよ…
Just hold on tight 瞳閉じたなら
Look inside yourself 鼓動感じるから
Yes、“MIRAI”信じて欲しい
You can take another look from the other side
Just hold on tight 心くじけても
Reach into your soul 明日が見えなくても
Yes、 違う 世界があって
You can take another look from the other side
愛の全てに出会うまで…
Chinese version is available below.
To download the song
Chinese version
Open Up Your Mind
English Translation:
In this world when life can be so tough
You must be strong
Just believe in yourself and don't you fear
So open up your mind and close your eyes
Take another look from the other side
Even on a lonely night, when you wander afraid,
you may be alone now, but
your feet can take you however far you want to go
Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,
look inside yourself, there's a shining light there.
Yes, I want you to believe in everything.
You can take another look from the other side
Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.
Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.
Yes, if you have the strenght to live,
You can take another look from the other side,
until you find all that is love...
I wish for you to have the strenght
to make it through this world,
so open up your mind,
and you'll be able to see...
Just remember you are not alone
So don't you fear
Even though you're miles away
I'm by your side
So open up your mind and close your eyes
I'll be there for you no matter where you are
Japanese lyrics:
もしも今すべてがうまくなんて いかない 負けそうになる時だって
瞳を閉じれば 心から 世界が 見えてくる
In this world when life can be so tough
You must be strong
Just believe in yourself and don't you fear
So open up your mind and close your eyes
Take another look from the other side
孤独な夜でも 迷い恐れる時も
今はひとりでも この足で どこまでも歩いていけるはずだから
Just hold on tight 瞳閉じたなら
Look inside yourself 輝きがあるから
Yes, 全て 信じて欲しい
You can take another look from the other side
Just hold on tight 心くじけても
Reach into your soul 明日が見えなくても
Yes, 生きる 強さがあれば
You can take another look from the other side
愛の全てに出会うまで…
この世界で生き抜いていくための 強さを
あなたに願っているから
心の扉を開いたら 何かが見えてくる
Just remember you are not alone
So don't you fear
Even thought you're miles away
I'm by your side
So open up your mind and close your eyes
I'll be there for you no matter where you are
星の命なら永いけど
いつまでも同じこの日々がくりかえすわけじゃない
明日は誰にも見えない
Just hold on tight 瞳閉じたなら
Look inside yourself 鼓動感じるから
Yes,“MIRAI”信じて欲しい
You can take another look from the other side
Just hold on tight 心くじけても
Reach into your soul 明日が見えなくても
Yes、違う 世界があって
You can take another look from the other side
愛の全てに出会えるよ…
Just hold on tight 瞳閉じたなら
Look inside yourself 鼓動感じるから
Yes、“MIRAI”信じて欲しい
You can take another look from the other side
Just hold on tight 心くじけても
Reach into your soul 明日が見えなくても
Yes、 違う 世界があって
You can take another look from the other side
愛の全てに出会うまで…
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Prayer
As I watch you from a distant,
I let my voice out,
not able to hear a word,
I start to run after you.
As I watch you from a distant,
I try to hold you,
not able to reach out,
I fall down on my kness.
In the middle of the night,
I sit still looking at the sky,
hidden by the clouds,
I wait for a star to shine brightly.
As a shooting star is falling down,
I make a wish,
A prayer for you,
For all the best.
When the silence fills up the heart,
I hold up a little loneliness somewhere within.
Even though when all seems to be falling apart,
the anxiety have been swept away by you.
As these hands could not protect from what I care,
I offer a pray,
just for you.
As a shooting star is falling down,
my wish have been heard,
A prayer for you,
I shall continue on.
Waiting for you.
"For whatever you are going through right now, I can't really say but you will be in my prayers. Praying for all the best for you."
I let my voice out,
not able to hear a word,
I start to run after you.
As I watch you from a distant,
I try to hold you,
not able to reach out,
I fall down on my kness.
In the middle of the night,
I sit still looking at the sky,
hidden by the clouds,
I wait for a star to shine brightly.
As a shooting star is falling down,
I make a wish,
A prayer for you,
For all the best.
When the silence fills up the heart,
I hold up a little loneliness somewhere within.
Even though when all seems to be falling apart,
the anxiety have been swept away by you.
As these hands could not protect from what I care,
I offer a pray,
just for you.
As a shooting star is falling down,
my wish have been heard,
A prayer for you,
I shall continue on.
Waiting for you.
"For whatever you are going through right now, I can't really say but you will be in my prayers. Praying for all the best for you."
Monday, May 2, 2011
To be blame
"Better I be wrong than be wronged."
From what to eat,
it tastes sweet to bitter.
From what to eat,
it taste good to bad.
When no more words to be accepted,
waiting for an answer leaves you clinging on a string which would break eventually.
When I know it is my fault for not choosing the right words, I can only blame myself for any wrong doings.
So I continue on waiting. Sigh. No mood. Bye.
From what to eat,
it tastes sweet to bitter.
From what to eat,
it taste good to bad.
When no more words to be accepted,
waiting for an answer leaves you clinging on a string which would break eventually.
When I know it is my fault for not choosing the right words, I can only blame myself for any wrong doings.
So I continue on waiting. Sigh. No mood. Bye.
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