Disappointed

The inner self can be strong as an iron wall. Sturdy and tough, not even with a flinch it can stay where it is.

But with so many pressure from the surroundings, the iron wall slowly deteriorates. Weathering takes place, as it is slowly rusts. Slowly losing its efficiency. Slowly losing itself. Eventually it breaks down.

The feeling of disappointed in myself for not bring able to do what I can do. For being told word by word of how inefficient I am. How unreliable I have been. How people expected me more for what I can achieve. For words I want to keep true seems like it is a lie.

For how much effort I try strive to keep maintain my inner self. The pressure keeps building up.

As if I am in an abyss, so deep, so dark, I am suffocating for my own reasons I wish I can say.

In the final moments of being crushed by the sheer pressure.

I wonder how much I can take all of this.
Being stuck at home for almost 2 weeks now. Beside going out for family gatherings.

I hide myself in a mask so no one would see my true self. With fake laughters and smiles.
My family don't know anything about how I feel. Only to believe I am taking things too granted. Being labelled as what they see me as. Not trying to understand in my current position.

So many people are too occupied with their daily lives. As the world doesn't circles itself around me. I am merely a grain of sand waiting to be washed away by the waves and slowly disappear.

Disappointed by others and myself. I hide myself again in a mask. Hoping no one will know.